Since I have lost my job I indulge myself on nothingness. I think my existence is no longer needed by anyone. This is the result my sin that I have ever committed. My only way that I, myself, salvaged is just doing engage in something and work with someone. Not just in the employment, but with compassion and empathy. I’m easily irritated with something occurs around me. I need to be cured by something in the form of lukewarm environment.
But where? I partly found the place and move over there. I don’t find how I continue to live there but this is the n-th discipline of my life. I should continue doing something which helps others.
I’m writing this article in naughtiness, emptiness, hollowness, vanity. But as I told to myself that writing my feeling in any form, paper, notebook, vim, VSCode, whatever, is the way to clarify the meaning of existence of myself. I was so lazy against continuing writing my essay. I have ever swore that I will write essay every day but this habit is discontinued.
Until day of my death, I will struggle with something. What triggers my end? Who knows? Maybe I will be bumped by car. Or collapse with heart shock at this very moment. They are one of the result and I shall take them sincerely.