19-06-2024
I have planned that I gonna go to Aomori prefecture. However, this is scraped at all. I remain around Aichi prefecture further. I was looking forward my incoming new job so I’m regret this result but decision is decision. Instead I will be kind to myself. This is no about settle in a comfort zone. By continue engagement and self reflection, I will retrieve what I lost thorough my past injuries.
As I told two days ago, I will expand my writing activity. Instead I’m drawn the flood of instant message platforms. It is a better way to concentrate on writing. I also challenge the exam for qualification. This does not enhance my cash-in directly, but it helps me to keep out of comfort zone and chains me to continue learning actively.
I don’t have any hope the local economy because the central bank issued too much money for more than 10 years. As a result the value of the local currency is miserably distilled. My income is not boost and it remains flat. I think this is called stagflation. In this hopeless situation, I found that I should not trust employers or goverment. The authority still cling to force people to use crappy identification number card. It’s totally pointless and useless because it force me to remember god damning passwords and a junk, which is used only for reading ferro-dielectric reader device.
I should not only complain about current political situation but things going crappy without engagement with vote. If I’m too busy to have a will to go to polling site, then that means I’m a convenient “instrument” of authorities. Can I say this is democracy? I think it’s at least oligarchy.
I’m struggling the solitude almost everyday but wait a minute. Where these feelings coming from? I found that it’s mostly thanks to SNS platforms, especially Discord. I already disconnect myself from the other SNS such as X(formerly know as Twitter) and Youtube. But I cannot disconnect Discord immediately. Why this happens?
It’s because I bind myself that “I should be there because I must contribute a internet community in some form.” or rather I say engaging DAO style community is the new way of social life. Yes indeed it produce a motivating framework which create weak pianissimo competition principle. But should one expand one’s influence limitlessly? How do I measure this influence?
One of the answer for this is the number of “Like”s. Congratulations you’ve earned many “Thumb UPs”. It’s a convenient tool to benchmark the response from the mass public. But this does not mean that all of writer’s intention is tranmitted completely. I often skim writing and express what I felt at that paragraph. Refering to myself,I had ADHD tendency so, I often failed to get the context. I dare to say not every one undestands what I write here. I don’t blame or complain about it because me too.
The one thing I astonished is that I cannot tell myself this fact itself immediately. I need to live more slowly. To do this I gonna get rid of the obstacle. The remaining concern is whether I can covercome the fear of isolation and solitude the life beyoun that… But I believe I can do this because I have already lived for 33 years. However I can feel that further suffering will be ahead of me. The great novelist in Japan such as Akutagawa or Dazai commited suicide at late 30s.
But I believe that I can overcome this obstacles and carry on my life.