18 June 2024
I use Visual Studio Code for editing articles. I also use Google docs to have spell check. I used to use vim before. But after I found it’s convenient to use Code because there needs less setting to autocompletion. In addition, Windows now have Choco repository management system. So it’s much easier to install my tool-kits such as pandoc, ffmpeg, imagemagick et cetra.
After reading texts I have wrote, I’m so embarrassed there are so many “bugs” which violate the basic grammar. Google docs is so smart to correct such errors. I want some place to concentrate deeply. I’m easily distracted by the environments around me. Smartphones are super super enemy. As I wrote before, I’m distracted by people and smartphones which is used around me. Finger movement of them and luminescent of displays make me sick. I write this article on a train but this is not good idea. Instead, I should listen some podcasts closing my eye.
At home, I also distracted. I’m surrounded noisy peoples around my room. They talk loud, walk with noise, sometimes hit the walls. When I hear that I transfer outside my living place, I felt joyful because it get me hell out of here. I seriously thinking to buy small estate like hut or adobe to live quietly.
I’m overwhelmed with things but my will power to declutter is dwindling because of the intense labour these days. Nay, it’s just a excuse of my procrastination. I know that. Some study found that there is significant negative corelation between procrastination and health. It produce anxiety and overwhelming feelings.
μηδ᾽ ἀναβάλλεσθαι ἔς τ᾽ αὔριον ἔς τε ἔνηφιν: οὐ γὰρ ἐτωσιοεργὸς ἀνὴρ πίμπλησι καλιὴν οὐδ᾽ ἀναβαλλόμενος: μελέτη δὲ τὸ ἔργον ὀφέλλει: αἰεὶ δ᾽ ἀμβολιεργὸς ἀνὴρ ἄτῃσι παλαίει. Hesiod “Work and Days” (410)
So why this happens? Fear for failure is one of the cause. It can be applied to my fear for rejection. To conquer procrastination I need to be more courageous. This means how I can take the risks that I decided some important choices. But wait a minute, why I need to take choice sometimes?
Choice, we often meet in our daily life, said to be coming from the Bible. In Deuteronomy 30:19 says.
הַעִידֹ֨תִי בָכֶ֣ם הַיֹּום֮ אֶת־ הַשָּׁמַ֣יִם וְאֶת־ הָאָרֶץ֒ הַחַיִּ֤ים וְהַמָּ֙וֶת֙ נָתַ֣תִּי לְפָנֶ֔יךָ הַבְּרָכָ֖ה וְהַקְּלָלָ֑ה וּבָֽחַרְתָּ֙ בַּֽחַיִּ֔ים לְמַ֥עַן תִּחְיֶ֖ה אַתָּ֥ה וְזַרְעֶֽךָ׃
I call heaven and earth to record this day against you that I have set before you life and death blessing and cursing therefore choose life that both thou and thy seed may lives
or Revelation 3:20 says
Ἰδοὺ ἕστηκα ἐπὶ τὴν θύραν καὶ κρούω· ἐάν τις ἀκούσῃ τῆς φωνῆς μου καὶ ἀνοίξῃ τὴν θύραν, εἰσελεύσομαι πρὸς αὐτὸν καὶ δειπνήσω μετ’ αὐτοῦ καὶ αὐτὸς μετ’ ἐμοῦ.
According to the Bible, choice is obedience to God and Jesus. I’m not a christian and the majority of people are not too. However idea of choice is widely accepted. Some says it’s as if universal idea. I need to be more critical this standard.
Qur’an also says
كُلُّ نَفْسٍۭ بِمَا كَسَبَتْ رَهِينَةٌ (74:38)
L’homme est condamné à être libre; parce que une fois jeté dans le monde, il est responsable de tout ce qu’il fait. Il est à vous de donner un sens à [la vie].
… Jean-Paul Sartre emphasized that taking responsibility creates meanings of one’s life. According to existentialism, individuals are free to make choices and must take responsibility for their actions to live authentically. His idea is still alive today.
If I make a choice, I will take one with support of Sartre’s philosophy.
他人から拒絶されることを恐れることはもうやめにする。拒絶されるということを、自分がかわるきっかけとしてとらえるべきだと考えよう。どのようにして拒絶されるかを言語にして表すことで後の自己反映に役立てるようにしていくつもりだ。また、はっきりはしなくても拒絶されているなと感じたときは、なぜそのように自分が考えているのか、その思考のプロセスも言葉にして残していくようにする。
ジェーンオースティンの小説は拒絶からの成長を描くという側面を持っている。彼女の小説を読むことで、自分にも生かすことができるだろう。モームがどのようにして１０つの小説を選んだかについては、よく研究しておいたほうがいいだろう。