11 June 2024
I expected that meeting with others can stimulate my creativity but I fear their rejection first. This comes from my naive characteristic. I don’t want any addiction or abusement of cringing someone or something… I need to have a mind which does not be consumed by stressful indulgement. How can I behave like this?
First of all I need to be honest to my self. I was too drainful with other’s point of view. For example, when I’m relaxing in the park at the morning an old man asked me what I am doing. Maybe he prejudiced me that I’m suspicious person. I answered to him like this: “That’s non of your business”. Before my meeting up with the inner creative child of mysellf or I should say it “cataclysm of mind”, I should have reply to him “I’m sorry 「スミマセン」” without no reason.
It’s absurd to apologize like this. There is no one WHO I must apologize. Did it mean that I perceive some substantia ad infinitum? Nay, it’s just an opinion of that guy. I criticize those who often use the words that make them authorized. For example, add suffix word such as: “In our society”, “With the general standard”, “世間では”, “みんなもそうだから”.
They can enjoy that they are in confort zone becase they don’t need to think by themselves. It’s okay to them but it’s very harmful for me. It’s like a guy enjoy smoking not minding that people around that one can be victims of toxic smoke or some driver continue to release accel in rainy day not minding to split dirs to pedestrians. Peole make themself BIG is no more than these scoundrels.
I need to be more vigilant if I’m one of such a scoundrel or not. For this self-reflection is essential. To cultivate my mind, I need to have discipline every day. It does not mean I must delve into the danger zone which is located beyond optimal zone. As ancient philosopher said, I need keep the golden mean (μεσοτης). Don’t be extreme.