4 June 2024
I’m too naïve to live wisely. Maybe my naïveté continues throughout my life no matter how I reduce its momentum. First of all I use too many first person nouns: there is no other in my context. I’m a really self-oriented scoundrel. I absolutely admit this. Is it possible to make myself a more kind person? I’m like a hedgehog. I tried every time to approach others with compassioness but it ended up injuring them with my sting, not knowing why it happens.
It’s absurd to think that I’m versatile enough to live anywhere. It’s arrogant to think this way. I continue to read Tolstoy work to teach myself that his lessons. I don’t know about him and his works well. I have read Anna Karenina and Resurrection and I just reading War and Peance. All I know is his works are deeply connected to realisme. I’m not a scholar of literature but just a Salary-man at the moment.
I feel reading Tolstoy is one fo my destiny as a result I suffered, struggled, angered, derrided, cried, depressed, itched, binged … and shrinked my time in a string. His work nudged those of my feelings. I’m conviced why his work is admired by Maugham or Woolf.
In Japan, there were also those who influenced by his works. The camp is called Shirakaba (白樺派). Shirakaba camp is established in Taisho era. Mushanokouji, Shiga, Arishima were famous artist of the camp. They are inherited the thought of Tolstoy. Like Tolstoy, they were relatively rich but finally live with the poor.
I’m not rich like them but I have felt sympathy with them. Instead give away money , I believe I cant contribute to others in the form of providing some labour.
Reading classics has another benefit: one can be resilient against chronic stresses. It’s like wearing armor. By reading literature, one can have immune small piece of stresses.